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Married, yet Feeling like a Single Mom

To start off, my husband and I are in the marriage thing for the long haul!  So don’t get worried or questioning.  And, I know I’m not doing it alone.  Those of you moms and dads who are, my prayers and respect go out to you.

Last year while I was pregnant I started feeling very much like a single mom.  Some things had changed at my husband’s work, which meant we started to rarely see him.  He is a teacher and also does the ASB and Theatre programs – so that is a lot of extra time after school hours.

For most of the school year he was maybe home one night a week before the kids were in bed and usually had something going on Saturday morning or afternoon.  Sunday morning was church.  And any of the time in between he was exhausted, working on all the other stuff he hadn’t gotten done or trying not to get sick from running himself too thin.

It was a hard year for us!

This school year has been a little better.  Until the last month or so, we were able to have him home around 4pm.  The kids loved being able to have that time with him.  Our dinner’s were more filling.  I felt like we were a family.  Amazing how actually spending time together can make your world feel whole!

Over the last few weeks things have changed again.  He’s been home after the kids are in bed, some nights even 10pm, which means “Hi and goodnight”.  As well as the 3-year-old looking for him in the morning and whining, “Papa not here, he’s at work”.

Well, last Friday at 6:30pm I sent hubby the following text message, “At my limit.  Ready to just ignore the kids.  This is too let you know I will be taking a good, long, kid-free bath in the morning.”  This was after the two weeks of pretty much being on my own – well, with 3 kids and going through us all being sick and baby not sleeping through the night and getting into everything and . . . I could go on.

I got my bath.  Ignoring all the noise happening outside of the room I was in and the little feet entering the bathroom, “Mama’s not here – go talk to Papa.”  A much needed break and soak in some hot, hot water and salts.

But this is only momentary solace.  I still have afternoons and evenings I feel alone.  I still feel separated from my husband.  But I also continue telling myself, “this is only temporary”.  I am praying for a way out.  A job my husband loves, that fills him, but gives him more time with us.

Some days are hard.  I have to hold my tongue, not letting him know how much we miss him.  Because sometimes the response is, “Please don’t make me feel guilty for working.”  He already has a hard enough time some days at work.  I don’t want him to have to feel that pull on top of it.

Well, on last week’s Weekend Whatever, Heather at Raising Mighty Arrows shared, My Prayer is “Forgive Me For Being Me” and Joanie at Simple Living Mama’s post was How Can My Marriage Survive Deployment?.  TIMELY.

I will be putting Joanie’s plan into action.  And hearing Heather’s words when things get overwhelming.  And somehow finding peace and joy despite and because of the circumstances.

What season of life is your parenting and marriage in?  What are your coping methods?

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